From Rats to Cats to Cat Ladies

Guest Post by Aaron Wacks

For some strange, unexplainable reason, Facto Diem's post on slug sex reminded me of a terrifyingly powerful wizard known as Toxoplasma gondii. If you have not heard of these parasites, then please heed this warning: they are vile, terrifyingly evil creatures.

Let’s take a brief look at their life.

Stage I: Babies!

Innocent sporozoite babies are usually spread into stomach tissue of scavengers such as mice, rats, and nappy San Francisco Mission District pigeons. Eager to learn, they spread and multiply. After a few days of maturing, during which time they experiment with eye makeup, the Jonas Brothers, patchouli, and reefer, the small army of parasites forms cysts in the liver, muscles, and BRAIN of the carrier.

Stage IIa: Disgusting cyst-forming teenagers

“You darn kids, get off my lawn!” says the poor hard-working rodent.

Stage IIb: Vandals, and Evil Shamans

Studies have shown that Taxoplasma gondii-infected rats are more likely to favor a dwelling that smells like cat pee than their own rat pee. Cats become their obsession. The carrier rats go crazy, but it’s not their fault: Through voodoo techniques of some sort, T.G. causes the brain to lose fear-causing hormones such as dopamine and corticosterone which would normally make rats steer clear of felines. Dumb prey makes for easy prey, which is just what those cracky-voiced, pimply little parasites want at this stage in their lives.

Stage III: Move-in day: The Mansion in Wis-can-sin

A cat’s intestine is actually a parasitical sexual palace. The T.G. cells draw straws to see who gets to be sexual (gametocytes) and asexual (tachyzoites). Then they make babies. It’s not pretty. I won’t tell you any details. The babies are eventually pooped out by the cat for scavengers to find, and thus, the cycle begins again!

Please watch this video for more information on the subject.

Epilogue:

You might be thinking, “Oh that’s cute,” but humans are not safe! Around half the human population has been infected by Toxoplasma gondii. If you know someone who suddenly starts acting crazy, you should ask him or her if they have a cat. Drivers infected with Toxoplasma gondii are twice as likely to get in an automobile crash. Think of all the other horrible impaired decisions you might make (Scientology, capris, free beef at the carwash, and the list goes on!).

Some scientists are even going so far as to say this parasite is affecting human culture by changing a huge percentage of the world population's personalities. If the effect is to make people dumb and complacent, this means we can blame collective choices like Crocs and the Bush administration on parasites!